heyyyooo and welcome to my blog. here you will read of worlds far and near. you will hopefully be inspired by what I write and of Who I try to reflect. that being said, enjoy my blog and feel free to share my work with appropriate credit :)
In church a few weeks ago the sermon was about how Love literally walked among us. Now, the Pastor was not talking about love in a physical way, or in a romantic way, but in a completely selfless and reckless way. Which is exactly how Jesus loves His people. But before I start ranting let me point out that Jesus Himself is not reckless, but His love for us IS. Say you continued to forgive someone that you deeply loved, maybe even cherished, and you ceaselessly made sacrifices for them, but in return they literally turned their ungrateful backs and rejected you. How do you think you would feel? You would probably not be feeling the greatest at that moment. But that is kind of a picture of how Jesus loves us. All of us. He loves us for who we are, even though we are sinners and we turn away from Him and reject Him.
Now, as followers of Jesus our desire should be to embody Jesus to the people in this world. We should always be trying to love like Jesus loves. We are all equal– ALL OF US. No one is higher than, or lower than the next person. There is a complete equality between you and me and the rest of the people in this world. So why do we act like we are better than every one? Why are we constantly looking down on people, when in reality, we should be looking them in the eye? We need to stop viewing each other as competitions and start loving each other like Jesus loves.
In Matthew 4:1-11 Satan approaches Jesus and tries to tempt Him. Jesus had already been out in the wilderness for a long time, and since He has come down from Heaven in human form you can imagine that He would be tired, hungry and thirsty. And yet all the while Satan is tempting Him with food, an escape, and power Jesus refuses him and continues to selflessly sacrifice His body, time and mind. Jesus withstands the temptations and tells Satan to flee and get behind Him. The thing is Jesus wasn’t doing any of this for Himself, He was doing it for all of us. Jesus came down to Earth as a human, and struggled and dealt with the same things that we have to, to be able to save us from ourselves, and from sin. Jesus chose love over the comforts of Heaven for us.
Now, you may be getting the idea of that ‘recklessness’ that I mentioned previously. But it’s the kind of reckless love that is steadfast and never ceasing and it is completely selfless. The crazy thing that I never realized about the story of Satan tempting Jesus in the wilderness, is that the last temptation was of power. And Satan is literally giving Jesus an escape; the easy way out of things and offering Him a way out, instead of having to die on the cross. Besides the fact that this is almost a little dumb of Satan to offer power that was kind of already Jesus’, I bet you can imagine how appealing that would have been? But no, Jesus chooses love. He chooses the hard way. Because most of the time the easy way out is just an excuse not to do the hard thing. The easy way out is really to be in our own comfort zones. But, Jesus endured terrible things for you, and for me. He saved us from death, and He offers us a place in His heart. So, why do we deny Him? Why do we reject Him?
Jesus is honestly the perfect example of love, there is no better example out there. And even though it is hard to have grace and mercy for people. And it is hard to forgive people that have wronged you. It is good. And if that’s what it means to love like Jesus, then that is what I desire. I want to love people so hard and so big that my love reflects the kind of reckless love that Jesus has for us. And have I failed at that? YES. But the only thing that I, and you, can do is to keep on loving, because if Love can walk among us– we who are sinners– and Love can die in our places, and can be selfless and reckless then we can do our best in trying to reflect that same Love to the people around us in our every day lives.
As most of you blog readers know, I have been struggling a lot in the past few months. I have shared bits and pieces here and there about my struggles, and even though they were hard and often times miserable and I was outside of my comfort zone for half of it– I would not change anything. Because if I did, then I wouldn’t have this testimony or story to share. I wouldn’t have had actual experience of having to trust the Lord and give Him my all. So, today I am here to share the fruit of those struggles.
First of all, I am so grateful for all the friends and family who helped me along the way, who talked and cried with me and encouraged me too. I am so beyond blessed to have such uplifting and loyal people by my side. And all the glory be to God for what He did, and has done, and will do in my life through these friends and family, and in myself too. I have finally realized that everything I went through, and everything that was happening was for a reason and it was to teach me a powerful lesson. I feel as if I am a stronger person in my relationship with God, and by trusting Him and letting everything else go, it has fallen together just as I am sure God imagined it.
Now, on top of that amazing experience of just trusting God, He decided to bless me in another way. I talked a little about the “school” that I had decided on going to in some of my previous blog posts but I never actually mentioned what it was. Basically, I have decided to go to the Around The World DTS with YWAM. For those of you who don’t know what that is, YWAM stands for Youth With A Mission, primarily, it’s a school for missions. And I have chosen to go to the Around The World one, which is exactly how it sounds; it’s going all around the world after 3 months of training to bring the Gospel to God’s people. And I can’t tell you how excited I am for it!
But, aside from the fact that I feel this is God’s plan for my life, one of the BEST parts is that one of my best friends was thinking of going to the same one, so we would actually be going together! I mean, how crazy awesome does that sound?! Months went by and my friend was still trying to figure out what she wanted to do, and where she felt called to go. She still needed the thumbs up from her parents and to just figure stuff out. It was a real struggle (but the good kind like what I went through). And after those months of praying about it, and talking about it, crying some of the time and laughing for the rest, I got a phone call from her just the other night. I remember my heart felt like it jumped out of my chest and I snatched my phone and ran to the place in my house where the service is best. But, as cliche as it is, it wouldn’t work for a while, the sound was all scratchy or completely gone but then…..THEN it started working! Thank you, Lord. Basically, the phone call consisted of the both of us bursting into tears of joy and marveling at how great God is BECAUSE she got a yes from the Lord and a thumbs up from her parents and things just really fell into place for her all in the same day (much like what happened to me). It was crazy!
I had already received my answer from both my parents and from the Lord about YWAM and honestly had so much peace about the whole thing. However, it was more of a process for my friend, but through that hard and long process, not only did she make it but she came out stronger and wiser, and we have gotten even closer as friends. And now we get to go together to YWAM and it’s going to be insane!
Honestly, life is one long journey with little and big adventures here and there. It’s like a crazy book with each chapter leaving off on a cliffhanger. And it’s crazy insane. (I wonder how many times I’ve said that XD). But its also amazing and God is SO SO good. He walks with us through our struggles and the hard, long processes we have to go through, but He also brings us to the other side, safe and maybe a little wiser than before and certainly closer to Him. Because through the things my friend and I had to go through, we’ve come out of them stronger and closer in our relationships with the Lord. It’s just SO amazing, and all the glory be to God for all of this forever and ever! And I would truly say it has been one of the most wondrous adventures so far, and so SO absolutely worth it too.
So, if you are struggling with something, or you’re in the middle of a hard process yourself, know that God will walk with you. He will meet you where you are– wherever that may be He will meet you just as you are. So don’t be afraid to call upon His name, in fact, I encourage you to do just that! You won’t regret it. Moreover, all the thanks and the glory be to God for His crazy amount of grace and love for us, who He calls His children. I am so beyond blessed and overfilled with gratitude.
Here’s to the next adventure!
“May the glory of the Lord endure forever; may the Lord rejoice in his works— he who looks at the earth, and it trembles, who touches the mountains, and they smoke.
I will sing to the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live. May my meditation be pleasing to him, as I rejoice in the Lord.”
These are the beginning lyrics of “My Defender” by Jeremy Camp, and I seriously ADORE this song, not just because it has a good beat (because it does) but also because of the words, and how much truth just flows straight through them. Recently, I have had to do a couple of REALLY hard things, but it was GOOD. Sometimes, we have to do hard things or things we really don’t want to have to do, but God tells us to do them anyway and He tells us that He won’t leave nor forsake us. He does not send us into the fire alone. He walks with us into the fire.
Recently, I have had to call upon the name of the Lord and just ask for His strength because my human and physical strength was just not enough. I was becoming stressed, and it has actually been harming my body. I was becoming unhappy (peep that ‘choosing happy’ post. Shameless plug I know XD) ANYWAYS… a lot of things felt like waves just crashing one after the other onto my already exhausted body, and if that’s ever happened to you, you know how it feels and how terrible it is. But one day, I had a whole day to myself at home, and I decided to spend it with the Lord; first I did devotions for a couple hours and then just talked to Him for most of the day. And then near dinner time I just felt like I should do more devotions. I just felt like my soul needed more Jesus time, so I did just that.
And still, to this day, almost a whole month later, I will tell you that was one of the most amazing days of my life! I can’t even begin to explain what happened, but the Lord spoke to me and He showed me so many things. Like what I’m supposed to do in the future for a school (which was something I had been praying about and trying to decide), and other stuff like talking to people and having hard but good conversations, and even small things like trusting the Lord with my future, and not worrying so much about what people think of me or of what they don’t think of me (stuff like that just a LOT of trust). But let me tell you…the Lord has been teaching me to trust Him and to let things go, and to ask for His strength and to not depend on myself, and to DO HARD THINGS because guess what?
Jesus is MY DEFENDER.
He’s got my back.
He won’t leave nor forsake me.
He won’t command me to walk through the fire alone, instead, He takes my hand and walks beside me through the fire.
How amazing is that? How amazing is our Lord and Savior that He walks through our struggles WITH us?!
And after everything that has happened, I feel closer to the Lord and I am so grateful for His grace and mercy towards me, because I know I am going to continue to fail Him, but I will get back up again and I won’t turn back, and looking ahead I will try again and do my best. SO, here’s to trusting the Lord in EVERYTHING and with EVERYTHING– from school to the scary realization of a future– and through EVERYTHING even when it feels “too” hard.
Essentially, it would mean choosing to be happy, choosing to find joy in all situations.
And normally, I would say choose to find joy in everything. But today I am using the word ‘happy’ because I feel like it. But what does it mean to truly choose happy? Is it easy to just decide to choose to be happy in some circumstances?
Let’s say that you are super upset because of A, B and C reasons, you could choose to mull over them, and worry yourself over them, and stress about them. You could stress about that midterm exam, how much studying you’ve been doing, stressing about what people think about you, doubting whether what you are doing is right or wrong, stressing about that job interview, or that meeting that’s coming up….there are plenty of things to be stressed about. BUT believe it or not, there are double things to be happy about.
Like that you saw peeking through the sidewalk on your way to that job interview.
Or the smell of coffee that wafts towards you when you open coffee shop doors.
The simples, fluffiest clouds that float by your office window painted across the very blue sky.
Reading a good book on a rainy day.
Running outside and jumping in puddles on a rainy day.
The sound of water running.
The sound of laughter.
The feeling you get when someone smiles at you.
The sound of pretty music.
A huge field of flowers blowing gracefully in the summer wind.
Swimming on a hot day.
Boots crunching on top of the snow.
And there are so many more reasons and things to choose to be happy about. However, maybe some of the things I named above just aren’t your thing, and maybe some of that wouldn’t make you happy, SO choose your happy. Find something that you DO love, that you DO enjoy, something that WILL make you happy.
Another thing I want to address is that the things I named are all “things of this world”. And one day they will disappear. So I want to advise you and say that you shouldn’t depend ALL your happiness on objects, or things. Jesus should be our main source of happiness. Our joy can only be found in Jesus. But I do believe that He put things on this Earth to bring happiness into our lives like the simple flower coming through the sidewalk, or flowers blowing in the breeze, like the smell of coffee, and of the feeling of summer, or the sound of boots crunching on top of the snow.
All these things that Jesus has given us we can enjoy, and choose to be happy about. But always remember true happiness is found in Jesus Christ. But also don’t forget to choose happy. Look for the small things in life and choose happy.
Heyyyooo, my favorite blog readers!! I am back and I apologize for never doing a “new year” blog post. I have been a little busy, but finally decided to make time to write this! (I am cheating a little bit because this blog post is straight out of my journal as well xD). Anyways, I am back now to share something that has been on my heart for a while now. Hope you enjoy!
There are so many things in this world to distract us from the plan that God has set out for our lives. Distractions such as people, our own fear of change, or the very plan that God has for us, doubts and worries (about honestly anything), the feeling of comfort, the status quo, and of what people think about us. These are all things that have recently been getting free rent in my mind. As my senior year of high school is nearing its end, and graduation looms closer, I have had to make a few life-changing choices in my life, and all of these distractions (and more) felt like they were bogging me down; distracting me from God’s purpose for my life.
I don’t want to be distracted anymore.
Recently the sentence, “I want to be in the center of God’s will.” Has planted itself in my heart and mind. I love that sentence. I love that thought. But it is also a scary thought. I am a person who does not like change. Not even a little bit. (Imagine that?!) But God has bigger and better plans for me than I do, so I have decided to trust Him– which is HARD, but WORTH IT.
So, what does it mean to be in the center of God’s will? It means that wherever God wants to send you, you go. It means that whenever He wants to send you, you go. It means being open to change, and new things. It means no more status quo for your life. And THAT can be frightening. But there is NO safer place than smack dab right in the center of God’s will.
And that’s where I desire to be.
I don’t want to be distracted from God’s plan. I don’t want to wander astray. I want to be in the palm of God’s hand, and I want to stay there for the rest of my life.
Will it be hard?
Will it be an adventure?
Will it be worth it? (Is that even a question at this point?)
Of course, it will be!
But being in the center of God’s will is where I desire with my whole heart to be….wherever that may take me.
Well, it’s not really the night before Christmas but since there are 8 more days until Christmas here’s a flash fiction Christmas story for y’all! If you liked it, or you didn’t like it comment what you think! XD
It was the night before Christmas. . . .
Kris chuckled to himself as he read over the famous opening line of all Christmas stories. He flipped through the crisp pages and the vibrant colors filled with all things Christmas related. But he stopped before he got to the end of the book. He shuddered and closed the book. He had never been able to bring himself to look at that last page, he knew what it contained and he did not desire to look upon it if he didn’t have to.
Marching out of the library he passed an ancient mirror hanging on the wall. He stopped and stared at the reflection that looked back at him. He was becoming quite ancient himself, not too scraggly and old but definitely getting there. Spots of grey were starting to appear at the edges of his short beard, and freshly trimmed hair.
“Kris Kringle, what do you think you’re doing?”
Kris cringed at the sound of his distressed wife and hurried towards her. “Yes, my dear?”
“It is the night before Christmas, what do you think you’re doing staring at yourself in a mirror?” Jessica raised an eyebrow and huffed.
Kris laughed and the lines near his eyes increased when he did. He wrapped his arm around Mrs. Kringle’s waist and swung her around playfully. “Off I go then but not before a kiss?” He inclined his face towards her and batted his eyes.
Jessica smiled and kissed him quickly and gently. “Now, be off the kids won’t sleep forever!”
And that was that Kris set off on his way, for the most exciting night of his whole job– of the whole year even. He delivered presents to all throughout the night, flying through the starry sky and landing atop rooftops and sliding down chimneys without even a single sound. And right before the sky burst into flaming shades of pink and orange he slipped out of sight back to the North Pole.
But instead of celebrating and being jolly as most people were on Christmas morning he sat in his big velvet chair that was even bigger than his love for giving and pouted. He squished his fist to his cheek and had the most awful look of discontentment. His eyes drooped from having stayed up all night, but he wasn’t sleepy. He was neither hungry either, all the cookies and milk he had consumed were taking their toll on his appetite. And while he heard the laughter from upstairs, and the thumping of games being played by all the elves and Mrs. Kringle too he slumped further into his chair and a feeling of utter loneliness set in.
For on this day, the day that the whole world was joyful, Kris Kringle was most likely the unhappiest and the grumpiest. For, he had nothing to do, nothing to make and certainly no presents to deliver. As cookies and hot cocoa were consumed by his employees and wife, he continued to mope. Begrudgingly, Kris got up and lumbered to the empty workshop. He stood in the doorway and frowned even more than he already was. How could a place that was full of joy and happy memories for 364 days of the year, feel this lonely on the one day that everyone in the world was experiencing happiness at the moment?
Kris sat at the head of the workbench and placed his heavy head in his hands. Yes, he hated Christmas Day. Why? Because it was the one day he was lonely. There was no motivation for that day. Kris eventually fell asleep and awoke a few hours later to find a plate of roast beef and potatoes and a cup of eggnog at his disposal. He gingerly took the plate and mug and went to find Jessica who had undoubtedly left it for him. He found her snuggled in bed with her nightcap and nightgown on, she was reading a rather large book and looked as content as could be.
Kris climbed into bed next to her and placed a kiss on her cheek. “Thanks for dinner.” Jessica turned and smiled at him, then went back to reading her book. Kris silently watched her as he ate his food. And eventually downed the eggnog and then pulled the covers over his shoulders and thought about how tomorrow’s work awaited him in the morning.
But that night Kris had a dream about the last page of that book. In his dream, he saw families by the dozen on Christmas morning opening the gifts he had delivered, being happy and laughing and enjoying family time and doing absolutely nothing. He saw the elves and Mrs. Kringle enjoying themselves and drinking way too much hot cocoa, then he saw himself alone and in the bitter cold without anything to do. . .
Kris sat up with a gasp and looked around. The sun peeked in through the half-open curtains, and Jessica’s warm body lay beside him. He looked at the empty plate of food and mug he had forgotten to take care of the night before. And suddenly he realized what day it was. It was the day after Christmas. . . and he had loads of work to do and the motivation to do it, and only 364 days to complete it all.
For the past few days, I have been gathering random Bible verses to try and make this blog post that you are now reading. I knew I wanted to write something, I just didn’t know what that “something” was yet. Well, I’m here to let you know that I figured that something out, and you are now reading it! So consider yourself lucky :)
First, here are the Bible verses that I have wanted to look at:
Psalm 46:1-3 “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.”
Proverbs 18:10 “The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run into it and are safe.”
Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Look at all these verses again and find one word that is repeated at least once. That word is ‘strength’, ‘strong’ ‘strengthening’ ‘strengthen’– they all mean the same thing. And they all point to the same thing. The key thing that I want you to notice is that in these three Bible verses it reflects Who God is in the same, and yet in their own individual way. They all talk about how God is our safe haven, our peaceful safe place where we can talk to Him about our day or anything that we want, we can abide in Him, share our struggles, our joy, and delights. He is our strength.
How amazing is that? That the God Who created the very earth you live on, the very air you breathe– and He’s set aside a place for you and Him to be friends. These verses just really encourage me in my walk with God, because they show us just how amazing our God is, and just how much we can actually depend on Him. I feel encouraged because when I am struggling with being patient, or with something as simple as school, or fights I get into with family or friends, doubting myself and who I am– I turn to God with all these issues, with these doubts, and even with my desires and I find peace when I abide in God, because I may not feel big enough to handle my problems, but He sure is.
Back to my point, all of these verses immerse us into the fact that God has this crazy big desire for His children, His followers, the sinners of this world to abide their hopes, dreams, and doubts in Him; into His never failing strength. I mean, if He can create the whole entire world in 7 days then I think He can handle your problems, your doubts, and your desires too! All He asks is that you WOULD come running like a lost sheep to his shepherd, or a lost child running to his/her parents, God just wants us to run towards Him with our brokenness and abide in Him.
These verses talk about chaos and calamity, people’s fears and failures, and then talk about the refuge of God’s strength and how He is an ever-present tower in our trouble. If you’re having doubts about whether God can handle your problems, or if He even will, I can assure you He can and He wants to. There’s no doubt or folly about it, bring your troubles to the Lord and he will help you through them, He won’t just figure them out for you, He will guide you through them and meet you on the other side of them.
If your struggling with waiting for something, say “the one”, or for a change in your life, if you feel like you’ve got nowhere to go, or your life just feels pretty bad right now and you don’t know which way is up, you can turn to God. He is welcoming you with open arms. You can run to his safe haven and give Him all of your thoughts and worries. I promise you, He’s got it.
That’s really all I had to say for today, folks! I hope this has been inspiring and some, if not all of you, walk away feeling strengthened. Thanks for reading and supporting me <3
Alright, well as promised here’s some more fiction writing that I’ve been doing lately. It’s just a short non-genre story that I had to write for my Fiction Writing class this year. I really enjoyed this story….way more than the last one! XD And I hope you guys do too! Let me know what you think in the comments, or just give it a like <3.
The Sun Will Shine:
The cold morning light lit the floor in an eerie brilliance as I leaned against the bed. I should have been sleeping like everyone else in the girls dorm, but I wasn’t. Honestly, I was debating whether to leave the orphanage again. Ms. Marie would no doubt be very angry like she was last time, but I couldn’t help it; Peter would be waiting for me. As I sat on the floor, bathed in the cold light, my mind drifted back to the last time I had snuck out. All I’ll say is by the end of it I had a few more bruises than the day before.
Ms. Marie’s temper flares like a furnace being loaded with gasoline when any of us kids leave the orphanage without her permission; especially us girls, because most of the eighteen year old boys in this town can make a living for themselves, there’s not much of a reason for them to be locked up in this orphanage even though most of us girls are eighteen and older. It is unfair and cruel of her, even when William– the cook, tries to stop her. Good can rarely stop the bad in this world and if it can, I’d call it a miracle.
With a snap my mind drifted back to the present and I swiped my dark brown side bangs away from my green eyes. I stood up quietly and grabbed my leather jacket that hung on its wooden hook. Then, opening the wooden door slowly I slipped through the small gap and shut it again behind me. I had snuck out several times before so I knew exactly where to step so as to miss the especially noisy boards in the floor.
Tip toeing through the house I heard someone whistling softly; I stopped abruptly to listen, my eyes wide and my body tense. But my body relaxed when I realized it was just the half deaf cook, William– darling William. Often times, he would slip me an extra potato, or give me an extra spoonful of the delicious soup he made. I briefly wondered why he was up so late, but then reminded myself that it was extremely early in the morning, and he was probably preparing the morning meal. He liked his alone time.
Once I had gotten past the kitchen I had forgotten to pay close attention to the creaky boards and stepped on the one I had been meaning to miss this entire time. I tensed up and cringed, hoping William’s failing ears wouldn’t have heard it. I waited a few seconds, but luckily he just kept on whistling softly to himself. I let out a breath and continued on my way.
The small oak door across the dining hall stood in front of me now. It was the only thing barring me from the couple hours of freedom that awaited me. I slid my hand down the side of it and grasped the handle, ever so slightly I pulled it open and glanced behind me.
The coast was clear.
Without thinking another minute about it, I slipped through the crack and pulled the door shut. The air was extremely chilly– as the sun had not risen yet, and I pulled my leather jacket around me to keep in the warmth. Guided by the cold light of the moon I found my way towards the gate that kept us all locked up. I opened it with the misfortune of it making a loud creak that echoed through the quiet night. I stopped and let it sit for a minute, then pulled it quicker and closed it in the same few seconds. Crouching low I started to run down the dirt path, towards the forest where I knew Peter would be waiting by the river as he always was.
Once I was hidden amongst the thickness of the forest I eased up a bit but never stopped running. The moonlight was less visible behind the dense foliage but I knew my way just fine. I couldn’t count how many times I had been out here, with even more tales of the bruises I got for it. Somehow, it never stopped me from going.
Even with the protection from the trees the chilly night air persisted in sending shivers down my spine with every gust of wind it brought forth. But my spirits were lifted when I saw Peter sitting on a log, his figure was cloaked in shadows and his hands stretched out to the warmth of the fire before him.
“Didn’t get caught this time, huh?” Peter glanced my way and winked.
I sat beside him on the log. “Nah, but I’ll probably pay for it when I go back.”
“One day we’ll gather a rowdy bunch of boys and girls and storm the orphanage– that’d teach old spinster Marie a lesson.”
I gasped and looked around not even trying to hide the smile that formed on my lips. “Don’t say that so loud,” I whispered half urgently. “She has ears like an elephant.” We snickered and our eyes glistened from the fire and the cold wind.
Peter grew silent then and fumbled around with a stray string on his grey sweater. “You should be more careful though.”
I rolled my eyes. “It’s only a few bruises,”
“Jamie, don’t lie to yourself, I’ve seen the lash marks.”
I shrugged and focused on the fire, I had been doing a pretty good job of pretending but Peter had triggered the memories in my mind. He reached for my hand and I let him hold it.
“You know I care about you, but why do you do this?” Peter caressed my hand softly.
“Because I care about you too, Peter! And this is the only freedom I ever get. You don’t understand, your all I have in this world.” I fell silent and tried to jerk my hand away but Peter held it firmly. I was already fighting back tears and I tried not to look at Peter, but he made it nearly impossible. “I don’t have family the way you do.”
“Then, I’ll be your family.” Peter smiled innocently– the kind of smile that made my heart race, and my world fade away.
I chuckled and wiped the tears away. “Thanks, but you can’t be my parents and siblings for me.”
“I didn’t mean that type of family.”
I blinked and smiled; a different smile than just happiness though, it was out of the joy and love I had for Peter. “The minute I can leave the orphanage I will marry you on the spot, Peter.”
Peter burst into laughter. “Alright, then it’s settled!”
We sat and talked in the silence of the forest until a faded light started to trickle through the trees. It might be strange to say but the sun doesn’t shine. The day simply starts with a faint light shielded behind the grey clouds that never leave the sky. I stood up and wrapped my arms around Peter. I wished it wasn’t the end of our visit, but sadly it was. He let me go and placed a kiss on my forehead, it lingered there for a moment then he turned to leave. I stood there for a few moments then started walking back to the orphanage. When I arrived at the gate I opened it quickly so as to avoid the horrid squeak, but as I closed the distance between me and the orphanage I looked up and saw Ms. Marie’s scolding face glaring down at me.
My heart pounded against my ribcage and I thought about running. This wouldn’t be the first time; I had often thought of running away with Peter and living with his family. But what I wished for the most was to marry Peter and have my own family with him.
One day, soon hopefully.
But for now with a pounding heart, and an idea of what was to come once I entered the orphanage, I walked on.
The next few hours were hard ones. With the fresh lashes across my back, it made completing my chores a very unpleasurable task– not that it was any pleasure to accomplish them in the first place. I cringed as I leaned down to pick up a pitchfork; my back felt like it was on fire.
When the barn was completely mucked out, and new hay was placed in each stall I leaned against the door jam, grateful for a bit of a break. . .that’s when I heard her.
“What exactly do you think you’re doing?” Ms. Marie’s voice had the same pitch to it as it always did when she was upset.
I jumped and whirled around. “Nothing– I mean–”
“Exactly, Jamie. You’re doing nothing. For your lack of responsibility and the capability to do nothing you will help William in the kitchen, and you will stay and clean it until it shines, do you understand?”
I grumbled and my eyes shifted downwards, resisting the urge to roll them. Ms. Marie came dangerously close to me and stared down her long nose at me– I was almost as tall as her but not quite, and if ever I was as tall as her I would never stare down at people the way she did.
“Do you understand?” Ms. Marie raised an eyebrow and her tone sent chills up and down my spine.
Nevertheless, I forced myself to nod my head and swallow. I hated rendering to her. I thought about how it wouldn’t have been that bad to earn a few more lashes if I had simply replied sarcastically. Seeing the horrid look on her face might have been worth it. But, before she could say anything else, I hurried to the kitchen.
Kitchen duties weren’t that bad. William is a darling, and he always helps me clean up even when it is a punishment. I’d always wondered whether Ms. Marie ever threatened him, or beat him. I hoped not. And I especially hoped it was never for helping me; I couldn’t bear for other people to experience Ms. Marie’s wrath on my account.
“Good mornin’ little miss,” I heard William say cheerily as I stepped into his domain that smelled of freshly baked bread.
I grinned and stood in the doorway. “Mornin’ William. How are things coming?”
“I’d say they’re comin’ mighty fine.” He looked up and winked at me. We both knew that things never went “mighty fine” in this orphanage.
“For starters, what can I help with?” I walked from the doorway towards the wooden counter that William was cutting the freshly baked bread on.
“You can start by cleaning those dishes.” William gestured slightly to the half full tin sink of dishes.
“You would. . .” I smirked at William but he only chuckled lightly and continued cutting the bread. I sighed and reluctantly splashed the lukewarm dishwater onto the dishes and scrubbed them with a rag. I thought about how nice it would be to have my own home, with a family to wash dishes with. We would laugh and smile and have soap bubble wars. I couldn’t help but smile at that thought as I doused the dishes in the water, then set them onto a towel to dry.
Once the dishes were done I was given a bushel of potatoes to peel; a very common chore for the unfortunate. Regardless, I peeled every inch of skin off of them, and placed them in a pot of water so they could be boiled for stew later. The kitchen was relatively quiet, except for the occasional whistle from William, and the sound of the potatoes plopping into the half full pot.
But out of nowhere William pierced that silence with a question, “How’s Peter?”
I looked up with horror and whispered, “So you did hear me?”
“Aye, miss. My ears aren’t all that deaf,” he winked and grinned wide.
“You’ve known this whole time?”
“Aye, even made your excuses to Ms. Marie before. Once, I said I’d sent you off on some errand for me.”
My mouth gaped open, and my mind was full of questions. William had been looking out for me this entire time? I was bewildered, and a feeling of guilt and gratitude overwhelmed me. Without warning, I stood up and wrapped my arms around William’s large frame. I felt him chuckle like he always did and pat me lovingly back. For once I felt a sense of worth and belonging that I had never experienced before. I sat back down and wiped a stray tear from my cheek– but it wasn’t entirely a sad tear.
The day lasted far longer than I think it ought to have, almost as if it were mocking me. Dinner was all prepared and the dishes set out on the long rows of wooden tables, complete with a set of dented metal spoons. William rung the dinner bell, outside and inside and soon we heard the trampling of feet on the wooden boards upstairs, and the creak of the front door. They all sat down and awaited the meal without so much as a smile or any laughter. It daunted me.
“Children,” I heard Ms. Marie’s voice boom from across the dining hall, we all turned our attention towards her. “Today, we will have some visitors. I expect you all to be on your very best behavior.”
And that was that, though our very best behavior meant silence, and if we were asked any questions on how we liked it here we were to reply with a cheery yes. Even though it was a complete lie. As William and I passed out the bread and steaming hot stew, I saw some of the kids glance up at us and smile gratefully, others just dove into their food right away, and still some others gave what little they had to their younger, ill fairing siblings.
After everyone had been attended to, William and I sat on the far end of a table and ate our meal. Not long after we had sat down a knock sounded on the door. As usual, we all stood from our seats and waited for inspection, but no one could have prepared us for what was about to happen.
“Good evening, Ms. Marie.”
I knew that voice. It was Peter.
“Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Wilson, and young Peter.” Ms. Marie’s voice sounded nervous, and rightly so Peter’s parents were here too.
“May we step in and have a look around?” I heard Mr. Wilson ask.
“Of course.” Ms. Marie’s face was no doubt bright red at this point. Peter’s parents were related to the constable of this town, and if they found out what she was doing here, she would be instantly shut down; all the money from the government that she was receiving would be cut off and she would be imprisoned. I glanced at William expectantly, but he just winked at me. Typical.
Peter, and his parents brushed passed me and I glanced quickly at Peter. He looked back and smiled at me– that smile that sent chills across my spine, and a warm feeling in my heart. What did he have planned? They went around the dining hall and talked to some of the children. They all said the same thing though. They all nodded their heads, and put on fake smiles. Peter knew this.
Then suddenly I knew his plan. My mind flew into and uproar of questions and rebellion, but I was exuberantly nervous. I turned to look back at Ms. Marie and she narrowed her gaze at me and shook her head slightly. So, she had figured it out too. That meant that now, more than ever, I had to take up my part in Peter’s plan.
Finally, Peter and his parents walked towards me. His parents smiled down at me, “Hello dear, how do you find the accommodations here?”
My gut twisted and my heart pounded harder than it ever has before. I looked at Peter and he nodded his head at me. “I hate it. Ms. Marie beats us, and scolds us harshly, she forces us to lie. And hurts–” Suddenly, I felt a tight grip on my arm, the nails digging into my skin.
“She has no idea what she’s talking about, I’m sorry. She knocked her head a few times before and doesn’t know what she’s saying.” Ms. Marie said nervously.
“I believe that it’s you who’s had your head knocked one too many times, miss.” Mr. Wilson firmly separated Ms. Marie’s hand from my arm and led her outside. I looked to Peter, and he wrapped his arms around me. I felt a warm hand pat my shoulder and looked up to see Mrs. Wilson. I smiled and hugged her too.
“Well, I do believe I just became the new co-owner of this orphanage,” she smiled at all the children and picked an especially sad looking one up. “I shall do my very best to be kind and loving. Of course, there will still be rules but far nicer ones than before.”
The children looked around at each other and smiles crept across their faces. Children began to gather all around Mrs. Wilson, and even William who just chuckled and winked at all the kids. Of course he wouldn’t be kicked out. And I was glad of it. I am not quite sure what happened to Ms. Marie after that, but one thing I knew for sure was that Mr. and Mrs. Wilson were the perfect addition to the orphanage, the place was a great deal happier, and brighter than before.
And believe it or not, the day Ms. Marie left was the day the sun shone for the first time. It filled every dark crevice and any dark corner, reaching to the very ends of the earth, and warming the entire once bleak town. In the years to come Peter and I got married, and the rest of my days were spent living happily with Peter and our small family, where the sun’s warmth defeats even the darkest of evils. Turns out that good can actually defeat the bad, and I would say it was a miracle.
Honestly, I should be reading my school books. I should be doing math. Or completing my next history assignment. Aaaand cleaning the house.
But I’m not.
Instead I’m sitting on my fluffy cream-ish rug, with happy fiddle music playing in my room, and I’m writing this blog post.
Yup. That’s how my day is going so far. I feel as if I have a stack of all sorts of things pulling, and pushing me to give them attention but my eyes are fixed on my laptop, and my mind won’t be drawn away. Ever had those days?
Yep, I thought so.
You may be wondering, why am I writing this blog post? Low-key complaining about everything I have to do…but instead I am procrastinating? Well, that’s because I want to write about how grateful I am. So yeah procrastination vs. inspiration. You decide once you read this :)
First of all, my family is amazing. And no, I don’t act like they are amazing all the time because I’m not perfect, and neither are they. But at the end of the day God gave me a wonderful family, and I’m choosing to treat them like it, and act like it. I don’t always get along with my siblings (I mean come on, who does?). But I am trying. I am choosing to try and I’m asking my self, what would Jesus do? (WWJD. Yeah, that’s my monday motivation. But honestly more like every-day-motivation). But also, my parents are phenomenal, and yeah we all make mistakes, but I am so very grateful for the way I have been raised, and for the way I am still being raised. I know they got my back ;D.
Second, I am so thankful for my big sis. Yeah, that one; my best friend who I love a whole lot….like a lot. O.O She’s amazing. She drives me everywhere, even when I should have a license– but I’m still working on it, like I said I’m not perfect– she buys me stuff all the time, she thinks of me and cares about me. And I’m super grateful for that because I know it’s hard to be the oldest, but SHE ROCKS AT IT. Love ya, sis! <3
Third….okay I’m gonna stop with the numbers because by the end of this blog I’ll be at 50. So, moving on….
I have the privilege of having lots of pets. Especially a gray kitty that I’ve been wanting for A LONG TIME. And my Mom finally got him for be as a surprise. His name is Branson. And if you’re wondering where I got the inspo for the name….it was from Downton Abbey– where else? XD My fam has a sweet dog too. And lots of other kitties, and bunnies and the occasional squirrel in our backyard too.
ALSO, I get to live in an amazing house in an awesome neighborhood. I am grateful to have a roof over my head for goodness sake! So many people out there don’t have a home, they don’t have great families, or have as many privileges as I do. That’s why I am so thankful that God has blessed me with several things that He didn’t have to. He could have just given me the essentials to live and been like, “See ya! Have a good life!”
But that’s just NOT how God works. And yeah, some people are out there in the world maybe feeling like God does that, but the truth is; God puts everyone in the place He planned for them. But He also puts it into people’s hearts to help the less fortunate and bless them as He has blessed others.
So, that’s why I am feeling grateful today! I have the opportunity to bless others as God has blessed me. I can share His love with the needy, and spread God’s love around the world. And maybe for now, it just starts with a simple smile, or a wave of respect, or maybe a bag of food, some water given in Jesus’ name. But we all have the opportunity to bless others. And I take delight in the fact that I can do that everyday. I have that choice. I have that opportunity because of what God has blessed me with. And so do you.
Sooo, have you decided yet, if this has been a way to procrastinate? Or maybe it was inspirational? I hope it has at least inspired one person, if not more.
So, look around you today…is there someone in your life you can bless? Is there someone who has blessed you. If so, make that choice. At the end of the day it will have been a good choice.
Could it be he, who I’ve waited for day and night?
Alas, nay ’tis only a simple bird,
‘Twas Peter I thought I heard.
A simple flapping of the wings.
Could it be Tinker Bell I heard ring?
Nay, ’twas not
It was only in my thoughts.
I shall forever be waiting for this boy,
Who will never be too old for any toy,
Nor too old to be coy.
‘Tis Peter Pan I’ll always wait for
I’ll never be too old to shut the door.
Peter Pan will come, I’m sure.
~ Your Dear Scribbler.
I wrote this poem on 1-31-18 this year, and still am very proud of it. I’ve always loved Peter, the Darlings, imaginations, and Neverland. So it’s not much of a surprise that I have multiple poems, stories, photo’s, stickers, letters, notes, and oh did I mention books too? Oh no, I don’t like Peter Pan at all. ;D